To tip or not to tip?

I had a very interesting phone call yesterday... A man called me to ask whether tipping was expected in a Bed & Breakfast. Now some of you will know that I am possibly the best person to ask as I have been running a B&B for years and, if I may say so myself, I take everything that I do very seriously. This call was all the more strange in that it happened precisely at the moment that I was discussing this very topic with someone. It's enough to think that some shadowy forces were eavesdropping on my conversations! Suffice it to say that when the carefully anonymous gentleman called, I happened to have given the question some advance thought.

“Is a tip "expected" in a B&B”, the man asked. Is a tip ever expected, I thought? No, perhaps not expected exactly but it certainly is nice to receive. So, while well mannered people may never overtly solicit tips, (Should anyone?) there is no doubt, in my mind at least, that one would always be perceived as a compliment.

"The B&B was perfect", my caller said. "The rooms were nice and the breakfast was superb. The couple went out of their way to make my stay comfortable. It was obvious that they loved what they were doing. I don't think they were in it for the money. I paid their room rate. Isn’t that adequate? There was a line on my visa bill for tips. I didn’t leave anything but I felt uncomfortable not doing so.”

True, you paid the room rate as you would have in a hotel and the hotel tab would not have displayed a line for gratuities which, I agree is a tad tacky. However, hotel patrons will usually have tipped for various services as they went along, the concierge, the porter, the waiter, housekeeping… And there are cases where gratuities will have been added automatically to the final bill thus ensuring that they are paid regardless of circumstances. This is usually the case for all inclusive resorts and for group reservations in most restaurants. Again, this is in poor taste given that gratuities should be a way to acknowledge exceptional service and not to supplement low wages but gratuities should not be solicited.

There are several ways to tip, the most uncomfortable being the hand to hand method, because it does stir up the unpleasantness of class and subservience. A more comfortable way to manage the task is through the addition of a tip to the credit card tab, a modern adaptation to today’s more homogeneous society. However, as far as B&Bs are concerned, the most sophisticated method of tipping is surely the personal note left in the room with the tip inside. This method is by far the most acceptable and easiest to manage for all concerned. It shows a genuine appreciation for services received and does not demand recognition in return. It is subtle and classy.

“But they had three rooms and I thought they were charging enough for them already…”

Consider that in a B&B, the hosts fulfill all the roles themselves such that it becomes difficult to separate service from management. Nevertheless, services are usually rendered that are well beyond the provision of a room and breakfast and those services can be rendered well or poorly (or not at all as is the case with some establishments that I would not recommend). The room rate represents the hard costs of providing the accommodations. The real estate, energy, labour, materials and taxes. Paying the room rate does not in any way testify to your satisfaction with the quality of services nor does it offer recognition for services “beyond the call of duty”. Tipping, for better or for worse, has become the accepted way of expressing one's appreciation for excellence in services received. Now there is service and SERVICE. That is, one can do an adequate job or an over-the-top job. In the later case, there is little incentive to go beyond the call of duty except for the anticipation of recognition in one form or another. So how can you, in the North-American context, as the receiver of a well-rendered service, express appreciation in a meaningful way? A favourable review is superb (but for the host, soliciting them has its own pitfalls). Referring friends and returning again and again, while very complimentary, is not always possible. A gift of flowers, a thankful comment in the guest book… all very thoughtful but sometimes there just isn’t enough time. Isn’t a gift of money is a real option?

Consider also that people in service industries, almost the world over, by and large, work the longest hours, are the lowest paid and have very stressful jobs. It takes a lot of work, a lot of diplomacy, some tongue biting and unwavering charm in the face of much adversity. It takes a lot of time! And time is money... for everyone. If you are poorly paid, the prospect of tips, especially for staff, is not only enough to do a good job but can be the driving motivation for doing an exceptionally good job. For an employee, a tip may be what will drive the earnings to levels that render this type of work viable. For the client, tipping provides psychological support and reinforcement to those whose job it is to make you happy. What brings most people to Bed & Breakfast in the first place is that B&Bs attempt to re-create the atmosphere of elegant homes of bygone days, giving you a taste of the simple luxuries of the past. We take you back to a time when the well-to-do had staff, the linen was pressed, breakfast was served on crystal and fine china and people still had time for sit down breakfasts and stimulating conversations. We are illusionists, modern day chatelaines: charming, cultured, entertaining and appearing to not have a care in the world save that our guests are comfortable. Given that the host and environment symbiotics worked their magic on you in ways previously unknown, would you not want to show your appreciation beyond paying the room rate, which you would do anywhere, even if less satisfied? It’s all too easy to blame the hospitality industry for poor wages and our society for its money driven ideals, but one must be careful not to use these facts as excuses for not showing one’s gratitude when it is appropriate in a context where such kindnesses would otherwise go unremarked. Failure to do so testifies to a lack of polish that I wouldn’t want to be associated with myself. In that context, it is interesting to note how generously people in the service industry tip each other. While they may be the least able to afford it, they understand better than anyone just how draining it is to be on the line all the time.

The B&B hosting profession is said to have the highest burnout rate of all with an average turnover of 3 years. The B&B host does what you do at home once or twice a year over the Holidays (playing host to a houseful of guests and serving a meal, with an overnight stay) EVERYDAY. This is a seven days a week, 24 hours a day job. There is no weekend off unless you leave your home and go away. You can't kick your shoes off after a tough day because you are still at work when everyone else is unwinding. You can't walk around your own house in pyjamas and your home cannot be the peaceful respite from work that it is for everyone else. As you romantically imagine your hosts in a lounge reading a favourite book, because they get to stay home and do all the things you think you’d like to do rather than your nine to five job, you are forgetting that for them, their work day, which begins early and extends well into the evening, complete with all the stresses associated with taking care of people, happens at home and all the tasks which you do as a hobby once in a while when you have extra time, is their bread & butter. In other words, it is work! Statistics have shown that B&B owners put in an average of 72 hours a week on the job. That is 32 hours more than most people in their jobs! Hospitality is an industry that benefits enormously from economies of scale. For a micro-hotel to profit, management needs to be very hands-on and work untold hours without hourly compensation. Needless to say that without help, this is impossible for all but the hardiest. It is possible of course to work fewer hours and provide a lesser service and we all know some who do just that. However, those who choose to maintain the highest standards of service do so by choice and at significant personal costs. A favourite motto in business is: “You earn your salary during regular working hours. You earn your bonus working after hours.” The motivation behind exceptional service is varied but whatever it might be, the onus is on you, the receiver of this quality service, to show recognition. Now would you work everyday, even if you loved your job immensely, for nothing? Would you work for $7 an hour? Would you work if no matter how hard you tried and how certain you were that you were just about the best at what you do, no one ever went above and beyond to show their appreciation? Would you give up that bonus?

Of course, how quick and easy it is to mentally calculate the hundreds of dollars a day you think you would get for your three empty rooms at home, cream on the cake for you because you have a job elsewhere and it is that job that pays the mortgage and utilities. But what if you didn’t have another job and relied solely on the B&B income? Now think of how much work it is for you to throw a fancy party at your house. Think of how much it costs in money and labour to get your house ready to entertain in style and of how many hours go into the background work to throw such a great party. And when your guests arrive, you will look relaxed and carefree like you have it all together all the time, out of breath perhaps but nevertheless, just like the B&B hosts look when they greet you but there is nothing further from the truth… Before you arrived, and everyday for hundreds if not thousands of guests before you, there were frantic hours between breakfasts, departures and new arrivals during which the entire house from the kitchen through the bedrooms down to the laundry room were subjected to a whirlwind of activities required to reach the back to neutral state that appears before your eyes. Now think about the Bed & Breakfast owner who does this for a living everyday and you’ll understand that he/she has a job and a half: A good B&B host has to be ready all the time, puts in untold hours maintaining, marketing and entertaining and has to be on call 24/7. His/her home is overused, abused and in constant need of repair but these details must never be visible to guests for whom all must appear in good repair at all times. In all but rare cases, this is the host's main occupation and therefore main source of income. Beyond being exhausting and stressful work, it is risky business with roller-coaster income levels, markedly influenced by seasons and market conditions, with an average occupancy rate of 50% and… always directly related to performance… Neglect marketing, maintenance or timely email responses and your occupancy falls way down. A single bad review online and you can sink like a rock. Whereas it is easy to tabulate the potential of your empty rooms, what you would have to sacrifice to get there is less obvious. So thrust me, I replied to my caller, they're in it for the money!